I can't believe it's almost time to go home for Thanksgiving. Not that I want to go home. The sad thing is, I don't know which environment is more stressful, school or home. College has brought an onslaught of stupid shit. At the beginning of the semester, I was put on suicide watch by someone I considered a friend. This week, I'm being charged with harassment. Yes, you read right. Don't worry, I know who charged me with this and I know how I'm going to handle it. This whole thing is now a "he said she said" situation which is utter bullshit.
Here's my stance on this whole thing. He's just lost me. I am a damn good friend who just happens to make mistakes every once in a while. Those who know me, know I go out of my way to take care of those I love. He had it, now he's lost it. Too bad, so sad, good bye.
Other than that, life is still stressful. I've had to invest in some medication in order to eat without being severely nauseated or throwing up. (Disgusting yes, but true.) For about a month, all I could eat was maybe two bites and be full. It's gotten a bit bitter.
I'm still healing, which sucks. In January, I should find out if this will be permanent. If it is, it will mean I might never have feeling in my left foot again and be condemned to a cane. I personally want to graduate without my brace or cane, but I'm so scared it might happen. Also, I sometimes feel like a burden because I can't walk well. I want to be able to wear my scuffed black Converses again. I miss flip flops in the summer.
Value your legs people.
Back to the suicide watch thing for a moment. I saw someone about it, explained that I was intoxicated when certain comments were made and now have mandatory counseling until I graduate. No big deal, I was already in counseling because I lost my ability to admit my feelings to people. I told my counselor, "I have no reason to die. I have everything I want. My friends are supportive, my family...well, they're...around, sort of and I have an amazing boyfriend for once. Why the hell would I want to fuck all that up? Besides, I just came back from hell to graduate. I am not dying any time soon, unless there is some horrible act of God that kills me."
Granted, I couldn't trust anyone for a month. I was paranoid about what I said in front of everyone and I couldn't tell my friends I loved them. It's still affecting me, but not so much anymore. If this person thinks they can tear me down, they didn't know me like they thought they did. This person clearly thinks I'm going to lay down and just take this crap he's dishing out to me.
He should know better than to mess with me.
I don't give up.
I get even.
Don't worry, there will be no violence. Here's my plan. I'm going to be a "silent bitch". This means I will carry myself better, flaunt my assets (I admit I love my chest. Girls pay thousands to get what I have. That and I'm smarter than he'll ever be) and make him regret doing this to me. No words of physical interaction is needed. Besides, harassment goes both ways.
And soon, with the help of the multi-talented ~Terra-Storm, there will pictures of me as a pirate blood pimp (don't ask)
You're awesome for sticking with me, watchers. I hope my drama can entertain someone ><

Much love
The Still Standing Miss J